I spent my life being an androgynous weirdo. Humiliated by my family, sexually assaulted, attacked physically, verbally, emotionally. So much so that my own psychologist is surprised that I have been able to stomach simply living afterward. I have survived by understanding “the rules” and developing my own rules to combat them. I know what is threatening and dangerous in allowing myself to be “public” about myself and my life. I have no interest in imposing my will onto people and as such my conscience is pretty clear about that. Others have pushed me to follow their ideologies and live by their “rules” and I don’t intend to start doing any of that. I am a unique person with unique ideologies. I’m well known as a very nice person and people really seem to like me. I feel blessed by that. I don’t worry when people get pissy with me about not getting along. But I know that when people push an alpha-male attitude and an agenda of dominance into my presence, I fight back and that typically means I will grab them and choke them out. I’m fine with that.
Happens more often than it should, I agree, but I’m still okay with it. People rarely fault me for this as it is surely on their mind as the right course of action. I can proudly say that I’ve never been brought to that point of anger by any woman. It’s just that I’m not grabby like that. My ideals are such that “men” are a threat, “dominance” is a form of control (as it is implied), “alpha-male” behaviour is evolutionarily designed to make women feel attraction (fucking weird that). When Alphas are met with a women who has no interest, they use aggression, forceful, and even violent behaviour to get their way. That’s usually when I choke them. Yes, I am a cavewoman, I know. But this fits with my “rules”. I don’t impose them on others (except for the grabby part). My rules are long winded and cover so many aspects of my life that one would think I’m OCD, and they’d be right. I’m also autistic, smart, reasonable, and gifted with a black&white sense of justice. It all affords me a certain outlook on the world, and that’s how I am weird.
I notice subtle things that no one else notices. I see through facades of social behaviours in people and that helps me to know when a person is capable of harming others or myself. Passive aggressive types practically have zero chance with me, I can tell a sociopath from their gait. I know more about people than anyone would ever care to. As a result, I don’t go out much at all. But I strangely work in a field of customer service which requires a tremendous amount of interaction with people. Luckily for me, those who seek my services are slightly damaged emotionally. Maybe it is why I ended up here. Most don’t have a threatening bone in them, but I must confess that nothing really feels threatening to me anymore. So when a random person behaves aggressive or anyway which I deem to be sideways, I boot their asses out of the shop. My personal life doesn’t get involved in my work, although it constantly interferes with my personal time. The private space is precious to me.
But there is a group of loonies looking to violate that; all of it. A few months ago I began writing pieces for genderfatigue. A website that gives writers a venue to vent about the gender dynamic and wishes for a gender-free social environment. There are dozens of colleagues who write on a myriad of topics. But one writer has been catching all the flack for being a feminist. She’s brilliant and thought provoking and in most academic environments, she’d be extremely well respected. But there’s a steady stream of Internet trolls that come at her about every single word she writes; missing the point that this(genderfatigue) is a discussion and not a forum for diatribe and pulpit-parading. This site is for ideas and none of these ideas are alike. Mostly because there are so many other writers but also because, ideas and gender-theory are transitional. So this one writer makes no distinction between violence-capable men and violence-capable Trans*women, that the rights of women are “earned” and the rights of Trans*women are “taken”. This whole theory is based in fact. So it’s not really what is the argument that brings out the loonies.
What brings out the loonies is that this one writer provides examples of violence-capable men who’ve transitioned into violence prone trans*women; murderers, child molesters, rapists, criminals and monsters. But as a rapist of women to be convicted as a man then transition to womanhood, should they then be allowed to pursue activities and rights of women that they knowingly tried to stamp out in another woman? Isn’t the push to have acknowledgment of womanhood as a violent male predator the same as rape itself? Socially, yeah, hell yeah it is. It’s taking something away, then stepping on those who call it out as bullshit is why the loonies are here. So the concept is this: Nobody should be outed for their “birth-gender” and “birth-name”. Well, in a world without the gender-dynamic of male dominance, that might be okay. But outside of that fantasy is reality. Where men are predators and can have access to vulnerable women through transitioning. There’s an argument that states, “a man is no longer a man after he has taken the medication and surgical steps required to be deemed a woman by the medical establishment.” Sure.
There is a tipping point in a transitioning person’s life when they’ve achieved that goal. Some people don’t have this goal. But regardless of either case, rape, sexual violence, molestation, and murder are acts of power and dominance not of genitalia. So the loonies have other arguments, but as so many are based on the concept that one must accept and live with their point of view or be considered a transphobic-hate-monger, that having any dialog is senseless. I was recently called out as a purveyor of “transphobic hate speech” due to my association with genderfatigue and its sister site gender identity watch. Although I have written only on concepts of gender as they relate to endocrinological, surgical, and psychological side. All of which I am familiar with as I have gone through all of it. I know how the system works and how it bullies patients into specific doctors care and gives no recourse for malpractice victims. I know it fluently. I write about my perspective and how I survived it. But yet this website is described as a transphobic TERF(Trans-Exclusionary-Radical-Feminist) hate speech repository. Well, how am I writing for them if they are so damned “Exclusionary”.
The loonies have submitted me(my name) around the web to various Trans-organizations as a purveyor of hate-speech. It boggles the mind. One Trans*woman who started this had some dialog with me as I tried to explain myself and she just kept rambling that I was a hate monger and I have hurt her personally. A total loony in my eyes due to the fact that I’d never heard of her until she started in on me. Then another loony and another and another. Some leaving veiled threats as to “outing me” about god knows what. As it is, I’ve been open about my relationship with gender identity watch. I do like the Facebook account and twitter feed and pretty much the rest of it. I like it because it is a fresh perspective that is I jaded by the fantasy world of trans*politics and lacks the depressive cynicism and hostility of trans*activism. I think that the activism is crap. 90% percent crap mind you, but crap nonetheless. It consists of two sides: one side preaching false statistics, and the other side blatantly attacking people; like me. I’m attacked because I am not going to associate with transgender role playing. I am not going to call myself “trans*anything”, because I’m not Trans. I’m androgynous. Always have been. Always will be. I’m attacked for having ideas that I am happy to express. And I’m attacked for one very specific reason above all others, I’m attacked because the attackers are born men and shutting up women is all they know how to do. They may not like it but hey, it’s not their fault, right?